My sweet Alex

Let me just tell you a little bit about my son, Alex. He is an 11year old 6th grader who is incredibly smart, straight A student, who loves his video games and YouTube. He is witty beyond his years, hilarious (brings big belly laughs), kind and considerate and generally has a heart of gold. He is passionate and goal oriented and always willing to try new things. He is curious and loves to learn.

Alex was born with a disability. We knew at birth that something was wrong and doctors told us over and over again that he would never walk. He has a condition called Sacral Agenisis. He was born without a sacrum and a tailbone, which causes orthopedic issues as well as bowel and bladder problems. He had surgery on his legs at age 3 and is facing another this year. He will also have a very invasive surgery to help with his bladder and bowel as well.

It seems like a lot to go through at such a young age, but he has faced each challenge with positivity and grace. Sure, he gets scared but he’s never been afraid to ask his doctors questions and he fully understands his condition. He has talked to his friends and other adults alike about his disability, as we encourage him to do so.

So, when others make fun of him or he has a bad day, his ego gets bruised but he always stands up tall and carries onward. I am trying to teach him to stand up for himself by educating others of his disability. It’s just the ignorance of others that leads to bullying. I just wish it would stop.

Don’t fall….it hurts!

So today I did something that I have been dreading for a few months now. I got gas in my car! Flashback to 8/31/21….it was a warm, but rainy day here and I had dropped the kids off at the gym and made my way to Walmart to pick up a few things. On my way back to pick up the boys, I stopped to get gas and that is where everything started.

You see, I believe I stepped into what seemed to be a small puddle of gas, oil, and water while I was filling up. I slipped and fell. Instantly, I knew my leg was broken and I lay on the ground holding it awkwardly and I was not in a comfortable position. After yelling a few times for help, a nice man came to my aid to help. He immediately asked for someone to call for an ambulance. At the same time, I asked him to get my phone that was in the holder on my dashboard. I immediately called my older son at the gym and told him what happened and where I was….just a few blocks from them. I then called my friend, Julie and asked her to meet us at the hospital. As I lay there, the pain began to set in and I couldn’t wait for help to arrive.

About the same time my boys arrived on foot, the ambulance and fire truck arrived. They immediately rolled me into a blue blanket and then onto the gurney. Now the pain was intense and my shoulder hurt as well. The boys drove my car and followed the ambulance to the hospital.

Once there, I was rushed to a room in the ER. I had X-rays pretty quickly that showed a positive break in my left femur and my right humerus. OUCH! They began giving me something to help me feel as comfortable as possible while waiting for a hospital room. I knew at that point that I would be heading to surgery soon.

I woke up in my hospital room, already having surgery on my leg. I was comfortable and didn’t seem to hurt anywhere. Relief! But unfortunately, that didn’t last long. My leg was in terrible shape….I had a gamma screw that was inserted through the hip and attached to a metal rod that extends down to my knee. In addition, I had 55 staples to close the incision down my leg.

3 days later, I had surgery on my shoulder. I ended up with 11 screws to a plate to stabilize my right arm and shoulder. Over the next few days I used a assistive device that would help move me from the bed to the chair to the bathroom and back. Julie and boys never left my side…..they would sit and eat meals with me, bring me flowers and gifts and lots of smiles and a ton of laughter. That’s what kept me going.

A few days later i was told that I would be moving to a rehab facility to get more intensive physical and occupational therapy. I was transported by wheelchair and a wheelchair accessible van. For the next 2 1/2 weeks, I spent my time with very intense PT/OT. My mom arrived and spent many days with me as did Julie. I was not allowed to see my kids (that are under 18) for Covid precautions. That was definitely a very hard time for me but I kept going, wishing, praying and hoping I would start to feel and do better so I could get home. I tried my hardest. I never complained and did my best. I just didn’t feel like I was making much progress. And then a light….

That light became brighter and brighter and my “step” became several steps. I had a date of discharge and it was full steam ahead. Finally! A wheelchair was ordered for me and I knew I was on my way to see those boys of mine. I went home in my own vehicle!

Once I was home and settled, home health had set up PT/OT services for me. I made very quick progress and after a few weeks I was walking with a specialized walker and a few weeks after that, I graduated to a cane. I only have to use the wheelchair for outings. I am in outpatient therapy now. I’m getting stronger and stronger by the day and have almost no pain any longer.

So back to today, while filling up my car I almost had an anxiety attack. I NEVER want that to happen ever again or to anyone. Just one little fall can do so much damage in so many ways. I’m proud that I was able to stand, on my own two feet, and fill my tank up today.

My journey with my foot!!

It has been 8 months since I have been able to wear “normal” shoes instead of the surgical boot. That’s almost 29 weeks or 230 days! And I still have a few weeks left. I’m nearing the end of my problems with my foot and in case you haven’t been following my progress, here it is….

In January, I went to CA for a funeral and to catch up with my friends and family. On my last day in sunny CA, I drove along the coast, stopping only to take some pretty incredible photos of the rocky coastline. I had to climb down some cliffs to get the perfect picture. Obviously, that meant climbing back up the unpaved, uneven terrain back to the car. It felt so good, as many of you know that the ocean is my peaceful retreat.

Later that night, I went to take off my shoes and something on the bottom of my right foot felt odd. I am very familiar with checking my feet a few times a day, as a diabetic. I turned my right foot towards me to find that I had horrific blisters on each toe. These were some of the largest blisters I had ever seen. My mom suggested that I soak them and make sure they were clean and free from anything that could possibly cause them to get infected. The next day, I left for home, wearing my slip on shoes with my foot wrapped.

After a long day of traveling, I finally arrived at home. I immediately took my shoes off, as my foot was throbbing. After taking my sock off, I was mortified by what I saw. My foot was swollen (about double the size of my left foot) and it was bright red around my toes. Let me remind you that the blisters were on the bottom of my foot but the redness was on the top. I cleaned it well and went to bed.

The next day, the redness had spread over the top of my foot and the swelling was still very noticeable. I called my family doctor and they got me in that morning. The doctor was shocked at what she saw…..cellulitis. She was trying to decide if I needed hospitalized or if the oral antibiotics would do the trick. She also gave me a shot of steroids to help speed the healing. Ultimately she decided to send me home and made a referral to the wound care center. I started the antibiotics right away.

By the time I had my first appointment with wound care, the cellulitis had resolved. Thank God! The doctor did his assessment and talked to me about the plan of care. Basically it consisted of changing the dressing every other day and asked that home health come to the house to, not only change the dressing, but to also have another set of eyes looking for any signs of infection. He also fit my foot into a boot that would offset the weight and pressure when I was standing or walking. Each week my foot got better.

Just as we were finishing up appointments for the blisters, another blister popped up on the same foot but on the side (I had a callus there and it turned out to be an abscess instead of a blister). He drained the abscess and discussed the treatment plan for that.

This abscess did not want to go away. The infection was back and I had another bout with cellulitis. More antibiotics. Then in March, the 25th to be exact (my birthday), I had an appointment to see wound care. The doctor looked at it and looked very seriously at me and told me that I needed surgery right away because the infection had reached my bone. He also talked to me about possibly having to amputate my pinky toe. He scheduled the surgery that night and I was to be at the hospital a few hours before that time.

Off to surgery I go….I woke up and my foot was all bandages up. Did they take my toe? I really had no idea. I finally asked the nurse and she had explained there was indeed an amputation and the side of my foot was split open. After a 5 day stay, I was released with a date to return wound care 2 days later.

The infection just did not want to go away. The doctor had talked about possibly amputating my 4th toe to use the skin in the wound, hoping it would cover and heal the wound faster. In May, the other surgery took place and my 4th toe was removed. All of these preventive measures were being done so that I wouldn’t have to loose my whole foot. Again, more antibiotics. At my follow up appointment, he fitted me for a new boot. My family nicknamed it my transformer leg. 🙂

My foot began to FINALLY start healing. It was an extremely long process and it took its time healing. But it continued to heal and the wound was getting smaller ever so slowly. I continued seeing wound care every week.

In July, the doctor decided to do a skin graft to use more skin in hopes that it would cover the wound and speed up the recovery time. They took a layer of skin from my thigh, and placed in my wound. That was a month ago today and the donor site is completely healed and the skin is growing very quickly in my wound.

I continue to have to wear my boot (at this point, I’ve been in the boot since January). Doctor says I may return the regular shoes in a week or two. He is very happy with the progress and celebrates with me each week that he sees improvement! Hopefully, this will be the last time I have to have an X-ray and blood work. (I have had many X-rays/bloodwork to look for any signs of infection). So far, so good.

Oh, and I must add that I tested positive for COVID and had to self- quarantine for 14 days in April…..I was totally asymptomatic. Ashton And Alex was here with me and neither were sick either. Was it a false positive?? I had 2 other tests after that and they were both negative. When I went to get the antibody test last week, it came back positive. So I did have the virus, but find it odd that my sons did not get it.

In any event, I’m glad that I had to go through this during COVID-19 because I had to stay at home anyways. There’s always a bright side. I just hope that my wound continues to heal and get smaller each and every day.

I am aware that this is a very long post, but I just wanted to give you a glimpse of what I have been through the last 8 months. I really am sooooo looking forward to putting this behind me and can’t wait to just take a walk! Thanks for reading and visiting my blog.

Love

Love. Mysterious yet simple. Complicated yet carefully planned. We all look for it yet when we stop looking, we find it. Sometimes it may seem elusive yet the minute you look away you are in someone’s arms. Some never have the opportunity to experience true love. Others are abundantly blessed to have it and some take it for granted. It feels good. It feels right. It is an adrenaline rush like no other. It is a wave of pure bliss.

Sometimes we are so afraid of what we need so desperately that we deny our true feelings. But when we open our arms fully we recognize and welcome the love. We melt in a sense. Our hearts beat faster, our thoughts get jumbled, and we tremble with excitement.

It feels so good. It feels so right.

Is it true love? Is it meant to be? Is this the one? Hard questions to be answered….and only you can answer them. For now, just be a sponge and soak up all those feelings and be still. It’s a nice place to be.

It’s T-day!

Today. This is the day we’ve been waiting for, especially Reese. It is finally here. Today is the day that he begins testosterone. And the journey can FINALLY begin…..

After multiple doctors visits and months of therapy, today began with a routine exam, instructional videos and Q&A. Reese was so excited and I was a bundle of nerves. This was very positive and happy day, but, as you can imagine as a mother, my anxiety was uncomfortable this morning. As the day progressed, Reese was still all smiles and my nerves seemed to calm quite a bit. I love seeing him happy.

We will never be through with this journey, as it is a life long one with so many changes, challenges and unknowns along the way. The ultimate goal is for Reese to feel safe, comfortable, secure, confident and most importantly, happy. This is a start.

So many have asked us questions, so many may be confused and too many to count have supported us through this so far. We’ve both made new friends and sadly, have lost a few, but all is well. After all, this isn’t about anyone except for Reese. Neither one of us can do this alone and it doesn’t seem like we will have to…..

So, Reese will be changing soon enough. His voice will become deeper, the facial hair will begin to grow and the fat/muscle mass will begin to distribute differently in his body. He will gain more confidence as he feels more like himself on the outside as he feels on the inside. I am truly excited for him.

Please don’t be afraid to ask questions. We want people to understand what is happening to him. We are sailing on uncharted waters too. My heart will be full again when he can be his true self, happy, free, independent and strong. He has a long way to go, but today was T day!!

Just a normal day….

From the minute I wake up, the dogs need out, fed and watered. They want my undivided attention, even before my feet hit the kitchen floor to make that first cup of coffee. Dudes, please let mom open an eyeball first. Please.

From there, my mind goes to my sons. I continuously worry about all of them. They don’t leave my head for one second of the day. Well, ok….maybe when I wake up with one eyeball shut walking downstairs to let the dogs out. In all seriousness, I don’t think a mother really walks around with their children not far from the front most part of the brain. What are they doing? Are they happy? Do they miss me? Do they need anything? Worry, worry, worry. It’s time to make sure the beasts are awake from their slumber.

It’s off to school! Have a good day and I love you’s are said all around. I’m eternally grateful that they don’t mind hugs and kisses, even in front of their friends. At least, I don’t think they do! Ha!

Then I make a list, AFTER my coffee, of the things to get done that day. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a doctors appointment or mow the grass, other times it may be an arduous list of working on unfinished projects, phone calls, grocery lists, cleaning the bathroom, laundry and vacuuming, oh, and packing the house up too. Then if course, as I suspect most of us do, I stare at the list and pick and choose what I WANT to do first. The harder things can wait till last. Or should I do them first to get them out of the way? It’s a battle. Truly.

Not only am I worried about completing the mundane tasks, but I have to balance my health with the energy needed to complete them. Some could run circles around me….I’ve slowed WAY down….aging seems to have gotten the best of me recently. (I’ve never been afraid of aging, but I recently took a beauty quiz using a selfie with no make up and hair back only to find out that my skin age was…..51! Not amused) So, yeah, there’s that.

So, ok it’s time to make the ever so fun phone calls. Sometimes I wonder how places stay in business. The audacity of some questions, the simple rudeness and downright ignorance of some baffle me. Then, I finally get to the most pleasant, most effective, most kind person known in this world to help me. Why aren’t they all like this? It just seems like things would be so much more effective if they were. I am never rude on the phone…..in fact, I am very conscious of it because I have been the voice on the other side. I’ve been yelled at for no reason. Don’t make me cry and I won’t make you cry. It truly takes all kinds.

Off to doctor’s appointments, either for myself or the kiddos. For the most part, they are positive experiences of being poked and prodded. We always learn something new which is good, I suppose. Like, no news is good news but that’s not how we do things in this family, apparently. We always get news!

Haha….it’s not always bad news. But it does take a toll on me. As a mom, my worries continue…..from having a son with special needs, to a son who is transitioning to my oldest, who is fighting with his braces. It’s always something. And I can’t forget myself in this either. My latest fall resulted in a bad shoulder injury requiring cortisone shots, PT and Ortho consults. Like I said, nothing is ever dull.

Let’s go home for dinner. Ah, time to relax with the family. Oh, wait, who cooks dinner. That’s right it’s me.

Do you know how hard it is to please everyone in the house? I’m sure you do, because we are short order cooks along with many other roles. 😂😂😂 I do have to admit it is getting much easier now that they are getting older and tastes are evolving.

Who wants to do the dishes? Oh, you WANT to do your homework now. Nice. I guess I’ll do them. Lol

After homework and dishes are clean, it’s time to relax. WAIT! One more thing….let’s go throw a load of clothes in the washer.

So let’s just jump up and take care of a few other things and then look up to see that it’s BEDTIME!! Yay! Well, not exactly. There’s a pile of laundry that needs folded and put away on my bed. But at least all the kiddos are tucked in and sound asleep, right? It’s all well and good until, “Mom, MOM, I NEED a drink of water”. Downstairs I go because letting the boy out of bed is a no-no. I do want to sleep tonight. 😂

Finally it’s time to hit the hay. I’m done. I’m tired. Goodnight and I’ll do it all over again tomorrow, gladly. This has to be the best job ever…..❤️

Chemical addiction

I had a scare this past Sunday when my blood pressure dropped to 70/30. I was dizzy, nauseous and had a really bad headache. I had been running low all day and had even called the doctor on call. She had advised me to rest and drink lots of fluids and to NOT take by bp med that evening and call my cardiologist on Monday morning. I couldn’t wait…..once it dropped that low, I immediately went to the ER. Was there something wrong with my heart again? Was it my medication? All I knew was that I was freaking out…..

Once in the ER, they immediately called me back to have an EKG and lab work. Of course, my bp had returned to normal with all the excitement and my nerves. After sitting in the room for a while waiting on results, my bp started to drop once again. All my test results were very normal. Ok, so it wasn’t my heart. Whew.

Without any other reason for the low bp, it was determined to be my medication and I was advised not to take it and call my cardiologist for a follow up appointment. I returned home, nervous that it would drop again….

Rewind to 6 months ago and I was in a lab doing a number of tests to get a better look at my heart and how it was working. All of them came back normal but let me explain about the non-stress test. I was not allowed to do a physical non stress test, so they tried to mimic the signs of a heart attack by injecting chemicals through an IV. I can tell you that I have never been so scared in my life. It felt exactly like I was having a heart attack, again. I was nauseous, dizzy, light-headed, had chest pains/pressure and shooting pains down my left arm. As fast as it came on, it disappeared. Just like the real one. Chemicals were able to mimic a heart attack. CHEMICALS. How scary is that?

Back to my appointment with my cardiologist: he discussed the fact that I do NOT need bp meds at all. I have a “soft” blood pressure that tends to be on the “low” normal side naturally. So, why then was I put on this medication in the first place? Well, it’s pretty much standard for anyone who has had open heart surgery to be prescribed these meds to help the heart heal. Ok fine, BUT I have been complaining for the last 4 years how tired I have been. I have never had a high bp reading. Ever. Today has been a fantastic day for me. I don’t feel like I want to fall asleep and my energy level increased substantially. Is this related to the medication? My doctor seems to think so.

We all deal with chemicals in our life, but do we really know what we are putting in our bodies? Do we understand exactly how those chemicals affect us, affect our behavior and sleeping habits? It could be medication, as in my case, but think about the food we eat, the drinks we drink (including water), the topicals, such as lotions we use and the household items we use every single day. I’m on a quest now. I want to eliminate chemicals in my life as much as possible.

What do you think? How do you eliminate chemicals from your personal world? I need help to do this and I’m curious what you all do…..

It might be someone you love…

A few years ago, my daughter woke me in the middle of the night and told me she was gay. It really wasn’t surprising to me, as I had suspected that for a few years. I left the timing to her. I wanted her to come to me when she was ready. This revelation did not change the fact that she was my daughter and a human being. It did not change the way I loved her or treated her. I had my concerns about her well-being. I didn’t want her treated any differently than anyone else, but I knew it would be inevitable. We had many talks, laughs and tears about the rejections she faced. She remained strong and independent and very mature about the whole situation. She lost friends, but walked away with her head held high. After all, this was Abby and she didn’t have anything to be ashamed of.

Over the last few years, she struggled a bit to find her place. She wondered who she really was and feeling uncomfortable in her own body, she wanted to know why. I always kept an open mind and of course, an open heart. She said she felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body. I’ll never forget the day when we were sitting on our back patio just enjoying a casual conversation. She proceeded to tell me that she thought maybe she was transgender. Okay, I thought…..now what? She admitted that she was young and wouldn’t want to do anything physically to change herself yet. I supported her and let her know that I also thought she needed to think more about this before making any decisions. She agreed.

I have to admit that I was fearful at first. I cried because of being so scared for her in the world we live in today. How would she deal with the rejection, the hate, the ignorance? She remained strong. I love this girl more than words could ever describe. She is so full of life, so intelligent, kind, funny and independent. I wrapped my arms around her and let her know I loved her and I was right next to her on her journey.

Today, she has decided to be called by her middle name, Reese, and will be changing the pronouns that she uses to he/him. He will get through this, with me walking right beside him. All I want him to know is that I am right here and will NEVER leave his side.

Transitions are always difficult, ridden with emotions. There’s ups and downs, twists and turns but remaining strong and putting one foot in front of the other will get you through to the end. This is no different. I am sure we owill have plenty of tears, plenty of laughs and plenty of discussions. He is strong and so very wise. I am sure I will face rejection as well as his mom. I am prepared for that as well. We are in this together.

All the chitter chatter can stop now. Reese is out and very proud. Just be mindful who you hate….it might just be someone you love.

Just stop……

I am at the grocery store and a person chooses veggie burgers instead of 100% beef patties. I am at the hair salon and a lady decides to cut 10″ off of her beautiful hair. I am at the shoe store and a guy decides to buy the more expensive athletic shoe instead of the sale item. I am at the movies and the family decides on the scary horror movie instead of the animated, rated G movie. I am at church and the man approaches the alter but the woman stays in the pew. I walk into the florist and the lady asks for a red rose for her friend instead of a yellow one. I approach the voting poll and the woman identifies herself as a Republican but the man says he is a Democrat. I am at the festival and the woman takes a picture of the sunset and another takes a photo of a trash can. I am at school and the boy is wearing pink but the girl is wearing black. I am in the kitchen and I decide to have a banana instead of a bowl of broccoli. I am at the car lot and the salesman is selling the blue car instead of the red one. I am getting gas and the guy next to me chooses the high octane and I choose the lower grade. It is a holiday and the mom chooses to rest in her recliner but her family decides to take a walk.

Did you judge any one of these decisions? Probably not. Point is, we ALL have choices to make in our daily lives that we don’t expect to be judged for making. It’s a beautiful and wonderful thing. Now imagine just the opposite. We are questioned, judged and ridiculed for each and every decision we make. Even worse, we can’t make a single decision without consulting someone. We feel belittled, controlled and manipulated. We are afraid and self-conscious and weak.

Some things ARE out of our control and some things are dictated for us to follow. For example, the speed limit. Sure we can decide to disobey the law, but we will face the consequences if we are caught. We may hurt someone else or ourselves. We may have to pay a fine or do jail time. Sometimes we see/interpret these rules/laws as ridiculous and we voice our opinion/thoughts. We have the choice and the right to do so. That’s how we make progress. We hope that someone is listening. Sometimes it works, sometimes our voice goes unheard but at least we had the CHOICE to speak up and do something.

Back to my original thought…..I don’t judge people’s individual choices. It is THEIR choice. If we were all made exactly the same, with the same opinions and actions, we would be robots. I don’t know about you, but living in a world of robots scares the shit out of me. I celebrate our difference, our abilities and our opinions each and every day. It truly is what makes the world go round. That being said, why…..WHY do people insist on judging others for their own opinions/choices? WHY? What possibly could that person judging be gaining? We were NOT put here to judge others. I simply do NOT believe that. I am responsible for my actions and mine only. Okay, so I can be held responsible for my child’s actions/behavior, but ultimately, it was THEIR choice to perform that action.

Just stop. Stop judging. Stop treating people less than you for making a different choice that you would have in the same situation. It’s so unbecoming of you. Just stop.

Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT judging you for judging others. You will have to deal with that when the time comes, but do you really get satisfaction from hurting others? I certainly hope not. Just stop.

What is your why?

I’m sick. I don’t mean the “I have a tummy ache, I’m going to lay down” sick. I. Am. Sick. It never goes away. I have okay days and then I have really bad days and, unfortunately, the bad are outnumbering the good. I’m tired and it’s only beginning.

This has been brewing for a few years now. Hind sight is 20/20, right? I had been nursing my own ailments and complaints since they began. We all have yucky days and I was no exception. I would get some more rest, drink more fluids or generally, just take it easy. It seemed to work for me. A few hours later, a day at the most, and I was back to myself.  I have never been a complainer and this was no different…..there really was no cause for alarm since all the symptoms subsided, or so I thought.

I noticed that these episodes were increasing in frequency. I began to talk about some symptoms with my doctors. They would hear me but I didn’t feel they were listening to me. They treated the symptoms, but never would take the time to find out why they were present. I am not putting my medical team down at all…..I’ve come to realize that I was not the most effective at communicating my exact feelings and/or thoughts. It seemed embarrassing or I felt as though I was complaining about a tummy ache that didn’t go away. I thought I was eating the wrong things or the medications I was prescribed were interacting with each other somehow to upset my stomach. I talked to my pharmacist. I was told to take meds with and without food and at different times of the day. I tried everything.

A few months ago, after we made our move to Kentucky, I began to feel worse. The bad days started rearing their ugly asses again. I chalked it up to stress this time. I was adjusting to a new town, looking for a job, interviewing, unpacking, getting 2 kids adjusted to new schools and trying to deal with my oldest on his own in college. I just assumed that the stress of “life” was getting the best of me. I began putting together my new medical team. It was clear that my anxiety was at an all time high. I was so afraid of having a bad day that it was becoming easier to just stay home in the event of a bad day. I wanted to quit and I had started to isolate myself in my own home.

I received a job offer for a position that I knew was a 110% perfect fit for me. I was beyond excited and began spreading the news. In the meantime, I was starting to openly discuss my symptoms with my doctor and referrals were being made to get to the root cause of the annoying and sometimes debilitating bad days. Finally. I started my new job, being so proud and so excited for this new opportunity. I worked 3 days of my first week and then it happened. I had to call off because of vomiting. My worst nightmare ever. Who calls in sick during their first week?? I thought for sure I was going to be let go…..all I knew to do was to return on Monday and hope for the best. I wasn’t better. I was worse. I was out the whole next week, going to doctor’s appointments and having tests done.

It was that week that I was referred to a GI doctor because the CT scan that was ordered revealed mild impaction in my intestine. I had my appointment with my GI doctor and he ordered multiple tests after carefully listening to me. He was actually listening to me! I was started on some new medications to alleviate the impaction and to help with the nausea and vomiting. Within a few weeks, I had a colonoscopy, endoscopy and a stomach emptying test. While we waited on the results of the colonoscopy/endoscopy, I received a new diagnosis, Gastroparesis. I had failed the stomach emptying test miserably. I was not digesting food properly and it was staying in my stomach too long, making me nauseous and leading me to vomit. This was happening on a daily basis by now and I was desperately trying my best to hide it. I had lost 40 lbs in a 6 week time frame. I had resorted to broths or just not eating at all to avoid vomiting.

What we know now is that my Vagus nerve has been damaged and is no longer working properly, thanks to diabetes. It is irreversible. All I can do now is to try to deal with what I’ve been given. I have been drastically changing my diet. Everything I have been taught over the last few years about a heart healthy diet has been thrown out the window. I now have to follow a very low fiber diet. Whole grains, nuts, seeds, and most vegetables are out, especially raw veggies. I am now on more meds to prevent the vomiting and to balance the good and bad bacteria in my gut

i wish I could say I have more good days now, but I can’t. Some days the meds work. Some days, they don’t.  I have joined support groups  I have read several books and articles. I have made new recipes and I try my absolute best to remain positive  I still cry  I am sick and this is hard. Being strong is not easy, but looking at my kids reminds me that I must go on  They make me so happy and warm my heart like non other  I beam with pride when I talk about them. They are my “why”!